Clueless
I have no idea how to kill the loneliness and how to generate motivation. I recently read ‘Lust for Life’ which was about the post-impressionist painter van Gogh. I found similarities and it motivated me – looked like I will never go down. But, here I am on the road again. And, I don’t feel like talking and sharing — which reminds me that it was exactly the reason I started this blog!
Failure?
I had a dream last night – I was searching for a particular place and I was unable to find it. I was burdened and it was difficult to walk. Then I woke up, and realized that I knew the place well and I was looking in the wrong direction. Then, this creepy thought started haunting me – “Will I always be a failure”?
I have to continue
Its been three days bunking classes. Today, I went to ask the head of the dept, Prof. Anshul Kumar, if I could withdraw the semester because I don’t have any motivation left. He succeeded in avoiding the question and gave me the best possible answer – its your call. Once you take a break and start working, money might stop you from coming back.
Prof. Anima Nagar came to ask if some student can be assigned to help her with some computer/projector setup. The head of the dept was quick to point at me, but I just said no, because I had this sudden disgust – an image from the stories I have heard about Anima Nagar’s love for flunking students.
MTP – where’s the motivation?
No scholarship. I took GATE and couldn’t clear the exam. I don’t feel bad because there’s more to blame – the environment and the circumstances in which I had to survive. To me, its more than enough that I lived.
Degree completion? I am not yet convinced that it will help me. So, doing a few more courses and completing the project is probably not going to help me earn a living – now or for the days to come.
So, why am I wasting my time trapped in the ugly academics of the institute and still listening to the professors? Am I taking it as an opportunity to give myself time? Probably. Time to heal. All I know, and all that is going to help me secure a job – I have learnt myself, and, probably, if I ever do something ground-breaking I won’t be needing guidance for it.
Please let me off the burden of classes. Just let me feel comfortable. That way, it will be lot easier to work and fulfill the annoying demands for the MTP. Or otherwise don’t expect much from the MTP work.
Unrequited Love
I loved my batch. We were a group of 25. Somehow, I feel, I didn’t get back enough in the relationship. We didn’t live in the same hostel, so, the most accessible, least time consuming and cheap way to communicate was internet. Unfortunately, there was a lack of participation. And, I know that people were not ‘busy’. It was the case of priority.
Now, most of them have got job. And are staying at distant location. I miss them. I hoped there could be communication through group. I even made a google group because most people use gmail and organizing threads is easier in gmail. But, alas, only 15 joined. It was always the case of all or none. It was the same reason for cancelling the industrial trip. Somethings are not bound to happen.
Here’s an entry from my second year:
I will forget my hostel, but I will never forget our batch. What I won’t forget about our batch (entry number wise list).
| ABHISHEK ABHINAV | enthusiasm to do anything, knowledge |
| AJAY RAMINENI | innocent look |
| ANKESH | his silence, warmheartedness towards everyone |
| ANSHUL | making others believe what he can’t do (phekna) |
| ANUROOP | his smile |
| CHARU | the world seems to stop when she is asking a question |
| GAURAV SHARMA | his sincerity when engaged in conversation |
| GAURAV SINGHAL | the way he speaks |
| KIRMANI | his face when he enters the class and is late |
| GURSAHIB NARULA | handsome, confident foreigner-type looks |
| HEMANT | haryanavi accent |
| GAURAV PARMAR | debating on the less severe aspect of an issue |
| KUMAR ABHISHEK | sleeping pose and the obvious carelessness |
| KUNAL | love-story |
| NISHITH | nishith, pals and girlfriend |
| PRADEEP BHATI | bike, and addiction |
| PRAKHAR | making a lecture attend-able by entertaining |
| RUPESH | sincerity with which he wants to learn |
| SANKET | handsome, philosopher type looks, bike vs computer |
| SHIVESH | aggressiveness towards professor |
| SUBUH | in his own world while the lecture goes on |
| SUDEEP | sleeping somewhere |
| JYOTHIRMAYEE | friendly and caring attitude |
| SATISH | willingness |
| SUMANSHU | smiling person at some back-bench |
I missed the farewell of our batch. I wished someone could narrate me the minute by minute account. Wished I had shared more jokes. Wished I had spent more time together.
:)
Beat It and Eat It
I saw the video of Eat It, a parody of Michael Jackson’s Beat It, by Weird Al Yankovic and observed that the key to humour is to highlight the weird parts and be observant to add the creative touch where ever possible. Simply by relating to the original act, the video becomes so appealing and funny.
Whereas observation is rated highly in human characteristics, originality is still my favourite. As much as I appreciate Michael Jackson for the song and unparalleled energy, my bias towards guitar pulls me in another direction. The guitar solo in Beat It was the work of Eddie Van Halen.
I can’t believe I didn’t know Van Halen was a band with Van Halen brothers. Instead I had misunderstood and thought it synonymous to what I later found out to be Eddie – the legend guitarist. Eddie has credited ‘practise’ for his guitar wizardry – 8hrs daily for years. Its really amazing how practicing can make you excel at things you want to do.
~ sharing and giving back ~ 